JACK
An indeterminate number of women are trapped at sea, for an indeterminate reason, for an indeterminate number of years, until they are forced to crash-land on a indeterminate island. Here, they are forced to sing again songs they have already sung quite well earlier in the piece. It is a tale of forbidden love!" Ladies and gentleman, prepare yourselves for P.M.S. Pinafore: A Period Piece!

THE PMS PINAFORE
GIRLS
Lost at sea, we are lost at sea,
Beyond hope, beyond puberty,
Scrubbing, mopping, swabbing decks,
And we're the fairer sex...

We are pissed, we are really pissed,
We stamp our heels, we shake our fists,
We're mad as hell, we won't take it anymore,
We're the crew of the P.M.S. Pinafore...

WE'RE THE ROYAL GUARD
BOYS
Welcome ladies to St. Motrin,
We're the royal guard,
Gosh, you're looking soft and supple,
We are looking hard (so hard!)
Though we'd like to kiss and hold you,
Ravage, grope and paw...
You are women, and women are against the law...

GOV'NOR OF THE ISLAND
GOVERNOR
I'm Gov'nor of the island,
This far off the map from Thailand,
And our code of laws is not what one expects..

But a gander at our his'try,
Could alleviate the mys'try,
Of our treatment of the so-called fairer sex...

Way back in 1554,
smack in the middle of a war,
With the villain of Gibraltar known as Spain,

Good Queen Jill went on a bender,
And decided to surrender,
Due to temporary water-weight gain...

THE WOMEN'S DAY IN COURT
GOVERNOR
Women? You should have been shot on sight!

SEA WOMEN
No, we're going for the court thing...

GOVERNOR
Oh! Where's my wig?
Where's my gavel?
Court is now is session.
Oh yes...

DICK
Oh yes...

HARRY
Oh yes...

SO SWEET, SO SWELL
ANDROGYNA
You, who've been so sweet, so swell,
To me, a toad from hell...

Both facing death,
with my last breath,
I must confess I...

PATTY LINER
Wait! There is something I must tell you...

ANDROGYNA
But I was speaking first!

PATTY LINER
This can't wait! It's crucial, damn it!

ANDROGYNA
Yeah? Well I'm about to burst!

PATTY LINER
Well, you go...

ANDROGYNA
No, you go...

PATTY LINER
No, you go...

BOTH
We'll both go,
Count to three,
One, two, three I think you're cute...

(I FOUND) A CLAUSE IN YOUR LAWS
CAPTAIN FLO
How I love to read,
While for the bathroom waiting,
Lacking what I need,
I spied a document!

GIRLS
Heaven sent, and time well spent.

CAPTAIN FLO
For now we can be freed,
I found a clause in your laws!

GOVERNOR (Spoken)
You What?

GIRLS
She found a clause in your laws.

GOVERNOR (Spoken)
Zoonz...

HE'S NO WOMAN
TAMPONIA
Years ago we found an infant,
Tiny baby boy

GOVERNOR (spoken)
Baby boy?

TAMPONIA
But, we're on a ship of women,
Under her employ...

So, we dressed him as a lady,
But to no avail,

She's no woman,
For you see she is, a male!

NOW LET OUR HATCHETS BE BURIED
COMPANY

BOYS
Baby I do, Baby I do...

ALL
Baby, I do!!!!

END OPERETTA: